Why say “yes” when you want to say “no”?

The desire to please can be over-rated!

What is the worst that could happen if I said “no” for once?

When I left school and finished studying at College, I fell into a job in administration and worked with some very talented and interesting professionals. At that time, it was my job to ensure the paperwork was organised and that efficient systems underpinned their daily work. I always said “yes” to any request, I thought it was part of my Job Description.

That was a long time ago now and I did manage to climb the career ladder a little but now looking back over a working life of Managing and Leading in the Voluntary and Health and Social Care Sectors, perhaps I could have been a little more selective with how I spent my time, instead of being task-focused, I could have built more relationships along the way and invested in being more collaborative but I convinced myself I was too busy — I could have been wiser. How about you, could you say “no” more so that you could work smarter, not harder?

It is never too late to make some changes though, so let’s try it out.

What about what you want to achieve? What are your priorities?

First of all, when did my “yes” reflex set in? I think that, as a child, it was seen as naughty to refuse to follow my parent’s instructions, if I tried to exert my own autonomy, it was greeted with frowns or even punishment. It was the same at school, compliance was expected, rebellion was unacceptable. I learnt to go with the flow, it was easier I guess.

Perhaps this is why so many of us have become people-pleasers — it is a childhood habit that we forgot to put down as we grew up! As an entrepreneur, I am bombarded with offers to purchase “get rich quick” schemes, sign up for an unmissable “free webinar” or change my direction because someone discovered a template for success I should buy into. Perhaps just one more course would qualify me and give me that knowledge I am seeking so that I can be totally competent? These people seem kind, perhaps I should follow their recommendations? Wait a minute, here I go again!!

I am not a kid anymore though, I grew up a little and I have other plans, “thank you but no thanks!”

Learning to say no is part of a person’s development, it is OK!

Secondly, how can we know what to say “no” to? I believe that since I started really considering my own goals, regularly spending time reflecting on my inner thoughts and growing my self-confidence that I am now more able to have my own unique and independent ideas, I have been more confident to turn down the endless “offers of time consuming tasks” that others want me to invest in. I realise I have limited capacity and I have clear aims of my own nowadays. Other people’s needs sometimes just do not fit in with my plans.

I am happy to support and encourage others but I have to be wiser if I want to shape my own business.

Stepping out of our comfort zone, trying out new experiences is part of life!

Finally, how will saying “no” more make a difference to us? Since stepping out of the boat and being more selective about what I say “yes” to, I have felt a surge of self-assurance, clarity of thinking and determination which has been quite surprising.

Instead of trusting my future in the hands of others, feeling helpless to choose and swept along without a choice, I have grabbed back time and established a clear sense of individual direction.

Of course, there are things we must do as part of our job in order to be effective but there are so many things we can choose — either to say “yes” or “no” to. What do we really want to achieve?

Pulling it all together, even if we have become a “yes” man or woman because of our childhood conditioning, now if we take time to reflect and consider our own unique goals and the path we want to take, we can become much more choosy and experimenting with politely declining tasks from others will open up time for us to invest in what really makes a difference.

Could I add value to you as you work towards becoming more refelctive and less reactive?

I have some limited opportunities for the gift of a coaching conversation available, to spend time thinking through some of the barriers you are facing and consider the possibilities for your future. Perhaps we could make a winning team? Message me to set up an online chat so that you can develop your ability to work smarter, not harder!

Email: joolieb1@hotmail.com Website: www.juliebcoaching.co.uk